Just whatever random thoughts that I get. A lot of it is media stuff, and there's a little social justice but not near enough for me to feel like I'm doing my part but I'm working on that! Also sometimes I feel depressed so there will be angst-filled posts as well sorry. I tend to go through stages with stuff, obsessing over it and then ignoring it for a while so deal with it. And um thanks for stopping by I guess?
Cisgendered, female, 19, somewhere between bi and pansexual (it's hard to explain), demisexual, polyamorous
AIM: Katrani Merack (might be registered on search as just Katrani or KatMerack)
“Zuzu’s been banished, you know.”
Mai’s hands clenched against the cloth of the sash she was tying around her waist. “I know, Azula.”
“Well I think he deserves it. He never should have spoken up against Father, it’s very inappropriate, especially in front of everyone. Then again, it all wouldn’t have happened if Uncle didn’t let him into the meeting.”
“Azula!” Ty Lee spoke up, standing up and instantly falling into a handstand. “What if I could tightrope walk like this?” She was obviously trying to change the subject, but Mai appreciated it.
“Yes very nice Ty Lee,” Azula sighed. She also saw through this trick, as her eyes were still on Mai. “You know, I imagine Zuko doesn’t want to leave everything behind…”
“I know,” Mai repeated. She checked that all of her knives were in place. She and her friends were planning to train together later, but she was thinking about skipping out so she could finish preparing. “Azula… Do you know-” her voice was cracking. “Do you know when Zuko’s ship is leaving?”
“Oh Mai, are you thinking about saying good-bye to him?” Ty Lee’s voice was just a little too cheery for the situation, but she backed off as she seemed to realize that. She moved back to her feet, then took a few steps away from Mai. “Sorry! But your hands have been shaking ever since we came over, and you were silent after the Agn- after what happened…”
“Don’t you talk to my mother? I’m always quiet,” was the answer. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, then looked at Azula. “Do you know or not?” She folded her hands together, hiding them in her sleeves in case Ty Lee was right and she was shaking. She was so rattled that she couldn’t tell for sure herself.
Azula’s eyes narrowed. “You’re being rather short,” she pointed out. “I don’t really appreciate it. Then again, you’re very torn up. You’re not just going to say good-bye, are you? You’re going to leave with them.” She smiled a little, looking away from Mai’s startled look. “It’s extremely obvious. Anyways, Zuzu and Uncle are leaving at sunset tomorrow.”
A rare smile graced Mai’s face. “Thanks, Azula.”
“Mai get up! Get up!”
Her friend’s voice made her blink her eyes open. The windows were open a little, letting in the pale light of sunrise. “What’s going on?”
“The ship’s ready! It’s leaving in an hour if we’re lucky!”
“But it’s morning!” Her heart was racing. Sunrise? Why now? Had something happened? She threw the blankets off, scrambling to her feet. Was there time to even get dressed? She settled for putting on her overrobe, settling a few knives into large sleeves.
Ty Lee was already at the door, poised on one leg as she watched Mai. “C’mon- we should be able to make it!”
They raced from Mai’s home, past servants and out to the road. They ignored the palanquins and servants along the way, and then the regular citizens when they reached the main city. Mai had never run like this in her life, and her heart was pounding. What to do? She couldn’t breathe; her chest was constricted, and her whole body was on fire but not from the run.
Finally they came in sight of the harbor, and there was one large ship remaining. It was already pulling out though, and was too far to jump by the time they reached the end of it. “ZUKO!” Mai screamed, but nothing about the ship changed. It was still heading towards the ocean, towards the Great Gates of Azulon and out of sight, probably forever.
Why? Why was this happening? She wanted to go with him. She needed to stay by his side, to help him heal and make sure he wasn’t alone on this journey.
Her heart was shattered. Every piece of her being was torn, and she couldn’t imagine how life would be, without her momentary sightings of Zuko or even their occasional talks. How could he leave her like this?
“Mai, what are you doing out here in your nightclothes? Ty Lee, did you bring her out here?”
Azula. She’d said sunset, and the tone of her voice wasn’t really surprised. She knew. She knew and had lied! Mai’s hand darted into her sleeve, gripping a knife, too angry to even palm it properly, but then she suddenly stood straight. She let her arms rest at her sides, and she turned around with a blank expression. “You were wrong about the ship,” was all she said.
Azula put a hand to her mouth, one finger tapping against her jaw. “Was I? Oh Mai, I’m so sorry.”
“Mai! What are you doing out here in such a disgraceful state!” A shrill voice sounded from the other end of the docks, and Mai could see a palanquin there. Her mother had followed them.
“Look, I’ll see you guys later,” she told her friends, not looking at them as she turned away.
There was no more room for emotion. It got her nowhere. She knew she’d be punished somehow for running out like that, and Azula had lied to her, and Zuko was gone. As she got into the palanquin, tuning out her mother’s rant, she focused on the shards of her heart. She felt as if she was gathering them up, putting them into a cage.
She wouldn’t let them mess with her again, not until she had the strength of someone else to lean on at least. And that would never happen now, thanks to Zuko’s impossible mission.
At least without emotion she could never be trapped again.