Just whatever random thoughts that I get. A lot of it is media stuff, and there's a little social justice but not near enough for me to feel like I'm doing my part but I'm working on that! Also sometimes I feel depressed so there will be angst-filled posts as well sorry. I tend to go through stages with stuff, obsessing over it and then ignoring it for a while so deal with it. And um thanks for stopping by I guess?
Cisgendered, female, 19, somewhere between bi and pansexual (it's hard to explain), demisexual, polyamorous
AIM: Katrani Merack (might be registered on search as just Katrani or KatMerack)
She always carefully divided people up.
There was her family, who raised her and gave her a home and let her just zone out but who she couldn’t talk to.
Her acquaintances, who she knew the names of and had a general idea of what to ask about for each specific person. There were the not-quite-acquaintances who she knew by sight and felt comfortable making small talk with.
Then there were her friends, who she could spend an hour around and have it be “hanging out” instead of “dealing with people”, the latter of which tired her out immensely. After that were her sometimes-friends, the ones that she liked and wanted to talk to more often but was at the point with that she felt uncomfortable starting a conversation because, well, what was there to talk about? What was she allowed to talk about, especially with those who had blogs she read? Could she mention personal things to them and not be crossing a line?
And then there were her close friends, the ones that had no such thing as “TMI”, that she showed her writing to in person and that had both her real name and her handle. The ones that she could cry around and be sleep-deprived around and she could ask to make a store run with her because she was always kind of nervous going to the store on her own. Still, none of them knew absolutely everything.
And then she met a person that she could tell everything to, someone that she let down all of her barriers around. Someone that she didn’t worry about crossing a line with because no lines existed with them.
She’d found a companion, and wondered how to get more- the fewer boundaries there were in her life, the sooner she could see just how deep her scars went.